Helpless
Being helpless is a hard situation to experience. Lately due to an accident I have been forced to rely on others for help. This led me to recall another instance in my life that was out of my control.
Many years ago, my oldest son Tommy, who was deaf, ended up in the hospital emergency room. Symptoms led the pediatrician to suspect viral meningitis, and to confirm his diagnosis he admitted him, ordering a spinal tap.
Imagine trying to explain in sign language to an 8- or 9-year-old deaf child, what was happening. I remember the doctor did not want me present for the procedure, but my priest, Father Bud who was with us convinced him that he was better off with me present, then not. Bud reminded the doctor I was the only one who was able to communicate with my son.
One of the nurses found a book that showed an illustration of a spinal tap with the patient lying on their side, the curved spine positioned for the physician to insert the needle to withdraw the fluid. After showing him the picture, Tommy asked me in sign language with tears running down his cheeks if he was going to die! It was one of those helpless moments realizing our lives are gently held in the hands of God.
Somehow, we made it through the spinal tap, and the meningitis diagnosis was confirmed. The result was four or five days in quarantine with me by my son’s side. Thinking back, I remember the horrific fear in Tommys’ eyes, not knowing what he was actually facing. Medical treatment resulted in a complete recovery, but the haunting difficulty of those few days lives on in my memories.
Being helpless places you in both a mental and physical state that for me has been hard to handle. Navigating this season of healing has had many unknowns. I’m not used to being helpless, I’m used to being in control and focusing on the tasks at hand. I suppose there are lessons to be learned from my current situation.
Please hang in there with me while I try and figure all of this out. I may be helpless, but I do know my Father God is beside me, guiding me.